Procrastinationism

I have a disease. It's eating up my life. It's making me sick!!! It's called procrastinationism. The symptoms frequently occur when there are impending major exams and occasionally during the nights before I jump onto an airplane.

A typical procrastinationism attack :

1. Wake up at 9am
2. Get out of bed at 11am
3. Have brekky and read papers(mustn't be ignorant of the things around you just because of exams!) at 12am
4. Bum around for whole the entire day doing non-productive things like read novels, read blogs, play with pets. The feeling of igronant bliss soaks me until 7pm
5. Maybe around 7:02 pm : Adrenaline rushes! Red Alert! Self realisation that the day has been wasted and I only have 12 hours before the exams! No time to mandi! No time to eat! Must study study study!
6. 8:05pm : Gets tachycardia(increased heart rate), starting to pull out hair, dranduff attacks
7. 9:57pm : Gulps down concentrated Ali Cafe!
8. 11:48pm : Looks up at the clock, thinks to self, "hmm...12 already...Maybe I chould take a nap to recharge at 2. Can't remember anything on a flat battery anyway. Let's leave all the lights on and sleep in an odd position so I don't get too comfy."
9. 2.00am : Zzzz...
10. 3.29am : Zzzz...
11. 4.06am : Stirs and takes a look at the clock. (Aiyah, 4am only. Still got 3 hours before I need to leave the house. Discount it to 2 hours lah.)
12. 5.18am : Stirs again. (Huh? 5 already ah? Oh. Ok. Give me 5 more minutes)
13. 5.37am : Stirs yet again. Swears at the mobile phone snooze alarm. Shuddap lah!
14. 5.42am: Wakes up with a start. PANIC!!!! *toot*toot*toot*
15. 5.43am: Splashing my face with cold water, then continues to chain my ass to the chair. Proceeds in vain to cram cram cram into my puny brain.
16. 7.20am : Dashes out of the house with a banana in one hand and notes in the other.
17. 7.45am : Trying to memorise the final details in the college parking lot, but fails miserably.
18. 8.00am : Exam begins! Prays to God for a miracle...
19. 12.00pm : Exams are over and vows to self never to do that again.
20. 12.01pm : A another attack of Procrastinationism starts creeping in...

20 stages of procrastinating for a girl approcahing 20 in 4 days.

*a wave of psychic power overcomes me* I look into the future and I see...

A week later : Results come out and I am banging my head against the wall.

See...It's serious. How now brown cow? 0.o

So near yet so far

I've been so blind! Residing in the same house for 2 decades, last night was the first time I laid my eyes upon him. As I watch him pick out his Fitness First gym bag from the back of his car and sling it over his shoulder like he's doing a sports ad, my heart was no longer mine. Trouble ahead. To be specific, directly opposite my house.

Without skipping a beat, I pounced on mum to dig any information on the hunky neighbour.

Me: Ma! Who's that lang chai opposite?! How come I never see before!?
Mum: “You dunno meh. He smiles at me every morning when I leave the house for work.” Hah!

There you go. He likes aunties! Eyer!

I'm not surprised though, Brad Pitt and Angeline Jolie could have moved in with their baby right next door and I probably wouldn't have noticed for a year. It's so bloody hot in Malaysia! You can't expect me to take my time to hang around outside the house, smell the jasmines and crane my neck to suss out the neighbours everytime I alight the car. Anyhow, to stop myself from breaking down his door and barging in, I rallied my Band of Sisters to draw out a no-nonsense strategy on how to nail the guy.

(Lots of editing, you don’t need to know exactly how bimbo I am)
Me: Liz!!! The most hunky guy stays just across the street!
Liz: Who who who? How old is he? Is he straight?
Me: I dunno!!!
Liz: Do you know his name? Spoken to him before?
Me: No lah! I just saw him! I wanna pengsan already. So damn good looking lah!
Liz: He might have a gf y'know.
Me: So what!? I have the upper hand, I live OPPOSITE. Bah! If there's competition they'll just have to move next door!
Liz: You're so shameless! You always go gaga when you see a cute guy.
Me: .... Well, at least I've got his address.

After much brainstorming, I came up with : -

How to flirt with the guy who lives across the street
1. Just go over the next time I spot him, flash him my brightest smile and introduce myself. Be neighbourly.

However, my girlfriends thought I was made for greater things.

How to flirt with the guy who lives across the street (Improved version)
1. Wake up earli-er. Bleh. (This is the hardest)
2. Wear a white, low-cut top paired with micro mini shorts and wash the car.
3. In the same attire as above but bathe Waja the dog.
4. Plant meat at his house and make Waja retrieve it with the neighbour as hostage.
5. Get Waja to go for his balls and make a dramatic rescue. Everyone loves a hero-in.
6. Adopt gardening as a new hobby.

All of this sounds great but it one thing occured to me...This means, my maid has the greatest advantage! She wakes up damn early, washes all 3 cars which takes about an hour, bathes the dog occasionally if I'm busy with exams and she can spend 2 hours per day pulling out weeds. NO!!!!! Competition under my own roof!

No more nonsense now. Can’t play with my hula hoop in the garden anymore. sigh...
I'm NEVER EVER coming out without decent clothes and make up. Ugh. So ma fan.

This blog has been something I’ve wanted to do in a long time. I blog all the time in head, telling tales to myself. I guess I was afraid that my blog wouldn’t be good enough, especially when I rub shoulders with extremely talented writers. Well, this will primarily be an effort to preserve my vacation memories, because I always wished that I could freeze time when I’m on holiday. Like footprints on the sand, my memories fade away and I’m left with a new page to fill. Hopefully, with a blog I can finally compile a book of stories to tell.